it's been a while....

Okay peeps, I am back.  I am sorry that I was away for so long, but I have been depressed ever since my other boyfriend, Benedict Cumberbatch, got engaged.  I will get through this though.


As I look back on 2014, I know that I have grown a lot as a person.  I set goals and achieved them.  I also set some goals and failed, NO, I just have not achieved them yet.  You see, most of the time I think of myself as a weak person.  Not physically weak or mentally weak, but emotionally weak.  If I feel I cannot achieve what it is I have set my mind too, then I feel like a failure.  I then beat myself up for not being the strong person that I thought I was.  This is stinkin thinkin.  I know it, but have to get past it.

 A friend of mine once told me that I was one of the strongest people that she knew.  She had no idea what storm was raging on the inside.  I am not, by nature a whiner.  I do complain sometimes, but mostly out of frustration with people.  I learned a long time ago to shut myself off emotionally, that way you can never get hurt.  When I have told people some of the thoughts that run through my head, or the "tape" that plays in my head of things that have been said to me, people are shocked that I am able to function as well as I do.  I think it would be easy to see how it could break a weaker person.

Someone I met recently had me sit down and talk to her about various things.  She then told me that I had several strengths that I had never thought of.  This got me to thinking about how strong I truly am.  I am not talking about being able to flip a tire and other feats of strength.  I am talking about actual mental and emotional strength.

I put myself through college. Strength
I came out of my childhood without turning to alcohol or drugs. Strength
I have great and caring friends. Strength
I have a tremendous support system: CG, family, friends, students, etc...  Strength
I am independent. Strength

When I started looking at things like this, I realized I am one tough cookie.  Do I still struggle? Absolutely.  Am I working on things to help make me better? Absolutely.  Yes, there will be times when I fall apart.  Yes, there will be times when I fail, but I know that I can keep working on it and at it, because I am stronger than I ever knew I was.

Peace out Peeps.  I have some work to do, these emotional muscles will not build themselves.