Okay so this year I turned the big 40. Instead of being depressed, upset, curled up in the corner mourning my youth, I decided to make a big change. Now if you know me well, you know change is a scary thing for me. I am not necessarily afraid of change, but I am a creature of habit and it stresses me out. But, when I have made up my mind, nothing will stop me. I changed my doctor, I had had the same doctor since I was 13, and I decided to get healthy.
The first thing I did was I took a trip for my birthday. I went to San Francisco all by myself. I had a blast and I am definitely going back. I went to Alcatraz and the walk up the ramp to the cellblock nearly killed me. The next time I go back, I am running up that ramp and I am going to make it my bitch.
The second thing is I went to Angela Lemond, more affectionately known as TFN. She started me on the path to exercise and eating better. I have to have someone to hold me accountable and she does that. Because of this change, I blog, run, circuit train and eat better. It is helping to make me a much better person.
The third thing is I have decided to exorcise old demons and start to get rid of my "Stinkin' Thinkin'." I will no longer let my past have a hold on me. We are all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils. If I could go back in time and tell my teenage self something, it would be to not listen to those around you that put you down. This includes members of my own family who told me I was not or never would be good enough. You have to love yourself and you have plenty of people who love you just as you are.
Now since I have started my journey, I have developed muscles in places long covered with fat. I have more stamina, not as much as I need, but more than I had at the beginning. Camp Gladiator is one of the best things I have done this year. Carrie Monroe works my butt off. My fellow Gladiators are very supportive and I love them for that. I have lost 33 pounds which is more than a container of kitty litter. Now if you have ever picked up kitty litter you know how heavy that stuff is. I was actually carrying that around on my body. I still cannot believe that I was able to walk.
I am not going to make big New Year's Resolutions this year. I am only going to make 6 weeks resolutions. I resolved to lose 8 pounds by Jan. 31st and I have 7 more to go. I also resolve to be the sexiest beast I can be to make all those guys who would not give me the time of day as a fluffy person drool and beg for forgiveness.
I will keep you updated on my progress. Once I hit my first resolution I will post pics.
Peace out peeps. I hope you have a great new year. As I told my besties from high school the other day, we need to live long enough to become the Golden Girls and I call Blanche.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
Sometimes not such a jolly 'ol elf.
Since starting my journey, I have reflected a great deal about my life as a fat person. Now I know that I am still a fat person, I do not claim any different. I have wondered though, if other people have ever thought about what it is like to be a fat person. Here are somethings that I have learned or thought.
1. Clothes shopping sucks! As a fat person, you have to go to special stores. These stores are often more expensive. While I have gotten some really cute outfits over the years, many times I was stuck getting whatever fit me. Sometimes I liked it and sometimes I did not. I never feel comfortable in my clothes either. If I dress comfy and go to Wal Mart, sweat pants and t-shirt, like most everybody else in the store, I feel self concience because I am afraid people will percieve me as a sloppy fat person. If I dress nicer, then I feel people think I am trying too hard. Yes, I realize that this is mostly in my head. I never claimed to be speaking for all people. When this is over, I look forward to being able to shop at almost any store for clothes.
2. Eating out sucks! As a fat person you have to be careful where you sit. I could not fit into most boothes. I could squeeze into them, but it was uncomfortable and my chest kept hitting the table. Nobody likes to eat like that. I had to be careful of the chairs I sat in. I was always afraid of breaking a chair, so I had to be careful of what chair in a place I ate at. People will also look at you funny. If I ordered just a salad, I have seen people look at me and discuss what I am eating. "Why is that fatty trying to eat a salad? You know she eats more than that!" If I ate a regular meal people would look at me and discuss what I was eating. "Look at the fat person eating all that food. How can she eat that?" I have gone into places and been made fun of and stared at. Does that sound fun to you? It is not fun at all!
3. Sometimes people suck! I have walked into libraries and had people laugh out loud when I asked them a question. I have been on airplanes and had the flight attendant force people to sit near me, because they don't want to sit by a fat person. I had to ask for a seat belt extender when on the plane and had to get "the look" from the crew member. Makes you feel very small. Don't even ask about going to the bathroom on a plane! That is almost impossible. Even using a public bathroom can be bad. I have been in stalls where I barely fit inside the door because they were so small. Have you ever been afraid of being stuck in a potty? I have.
I am not saying this to get sympathy or to make you feel sorry for me. I am saying this to help prove a point. It does not matter why a person is overweight. We all have our demons or vices. Some drink, some smoke, I eat. It is how I coped with whatever pain I was dealing with. So with that said, next time you see a fat person out and about realize what it is like for them in public. It is not fun. I know I will be kinder to people because I have been there myself. Last Tuesday when I was doing my Camp Gladiator workout, I was always the last person to finish. Did anybody ridicule me? NO! They cheered me on and told me good job! They gave me high fives and told me it will get easier because they had been where I am now. I think more people need a cheering section in their own lives. I for one am going to become an excellent cheerleader for myself and others who are struggling.
"Your present circumstance don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start."
Peace out peeps! I have some pom poms to buy.
1. Clothes shopping sucks! As a fat person, you have to go to special stores. These stores are often more expensive. While I have gotten some really cute outfits over the years, many times I was stuck getting whatever fit me. Sometimes I liked it and sometimes I did not. I never feel comfortable in my clothes either. If I dress comfy and go to Wal Mart, sweat pants and t-shirt, like most everybody else in the store, I feel self concience because I am afraid people will percieve me as a sloppy fat person. If I dress nicer, then I feel people think I am trying too hard. Yes, I realize that this is mostly in my head. I never claimed to be speaking for all people. When this is over, I look forward to being able to shop at almost any store for clothes.
2. Eating out sucks! As a fat person you have to be careful where you sit. I could not fit into most boothes. I could squeeze into them, but it was uncomfortable and my chest kept hitting the table. Nobody likes to eat like that. I had to be careful of the chairs I sat in. I was always afraid of breaking a chair, so I had to be careful of what chair in a place I ate at. People will also look at you funny. If I ordered just a salad, I have seen people look at me and discuss what I am eating. "Why is that fatty trying to eat a salad? You know she eats more than that!" If I ate a regular meal people would look at me and discuss what I was eating. "Look at the fat person eating all that food. How can she eat that?" I have gone into places and been made fun of and stared at. Does that sound fun to you? It is not fun at all!
3. Sometimes people suck! I have walked into libraries and had people laugh out loud when I asked them a question. I have been on airplanes and had the flight attendant force people to sit near me, because they don't want to sit by a fat person. I had to ask for a seat belt extender when on the plane and had to get "the look" from the crew member. Makes you feel very small. Don't even ask about going to the bathroom on a plane! That is almost impossible. Even using a public bathroom can be bad. I have been in stalls where I barely fit inside the door because they were so small. Have you ever been afraid of being stuck in a potty? I have.
I am not saying this to get sympathy or to make you feel sorry for me. I am saying this to help prove a point. It does not matter why a person is overweight. We all have our demons or vices. Some drink, some smoke, I eat. It is how I coped with whatever pain I was dealing with. So with that said, next time you see a fat person out and about realize what it is like for them in public. It is not fun. I know I will be kinder to people because I have been there myself. Last Tuesday when I was doing my Camp Gladiator workout, I was always the last person to finish. Did anybody ridicule me? NO! They cheered me on and told me good job! They gave me high fives and told me it will get easier because they had been where I am now. I think more people need a cheering section in their own lives. I for one am going to become an excellent cheerleader for myself and others who are struggling.
"Your present circumstance don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start."
Peace out peeps! I have some pom poms to buy.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Just the way you are....
There is a saying that I have heard many times, "God loves you just as you are. He also loves you too much to let you stay that way." I never really thought much about that quote until recently. Since starting my journey to sexiness, I have been thinking a lot about my life and the way I look at things.
When I was a little girl, I used to think that in order to have a full life I had to have a husband, kids, house, cat, etc.... As I got older, I used to get really depressed every time I had a friend get married or have kids. I would get angry that people I knew were getting something that I thought I needed. I cannot even start to tell you how many Valentine's Days I just wanted to stay in bed and cry.
I entered into relationships that were not good for me, just to have a relationship. I even became engaged to someone I really had nothing in common with. I am not proud of things I have done in my past. But I look at everything as a learning experience. And boy did learn some stuff.
I have realized since starting my journey that I am enough, just the way I am. I don't need anyone to make me feel complete. Would it be nice to have a meaningful relationship with someone who makes me laugh? Absolutely. I don't need it though. I am an amazing person just the way I am.
God loves me just the way I am. He also loved me enough to make me change. He has made me realize that I am good enough, smart enough, and doggone it people like me. He is making me realize that in order to make myself whole, I needed to change. I am no good to anyone if I don't love myself first. I have to be healthy in body, mind and soul before I am ready for a relationship that will last.
I am hoping that he does not make me wait until I am 80 and in the nursing home. If he does, I will be the hottest old lady at the home. I will be chasing the young guys around the home and pinching tushies. That is a promise.
Peace out peeps. I think I need to check out the Scooter Store so I can catch the young 60 year olds at the home.
When I was a little girl, I used to think that in order to have a full life I had to have a husband, kids, house, cat, etc.... As I got older, I used to get really depressed every time I had a friend get married or have kids. I would get angry that people I knew were getting something that I thought I needed. I cannot even start to tell you how many Valentine's Days I just wanted to stay in bed and cry.
I entered into relationships that were not good for me, just to have a relationship. I even became engaged to someone I really had nothing in common with. I am not proud of things I have done in my past. But I look at everything as a learning experience. And boy did learn some stuff.
I have realized since starting my journey that I am enough, just the way I am. I don't need anyone to make me feel complete. Would it be nice to have a meaningful relationship with someone who makes me laugh? Absolutely. I don't need it though. I am an amazing person just the way I am.
God loves me just the way I am. He also loved me enough to make me change. He has made me realize that I am good enough, smart enough, and doggone it people like me. He is making me realize that in order to make myself whole, I needed to change. I am no good to anyone if I don't love myself first. I have to be healthy in body, mind and soul before I am ready for a relationship that will last.
I am hoping that he does not make me wait until I am 80 and in the nursing home. If he does, I will be the hottest old lady at the home. I will be chasing the young guys around the home and pinching tushies. That is a promise.
Peace out peeps. I think I need to check out the Scooter Store so I can catch the young 60 year olds at the home.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Titanium or I am stronger than I thought.
Did you know that the alloy titanium is lightweight, strong and resistant to rust? I didn't. I would be great to be lightweight, strong and unable to rust. Oh what a dream.
I was talking to a friend of mine not to long ago. I was telling her about some things that I had been through in my life. She told me she had no idea because I am one of the strongest people she knows. Well if I am one of the strongest, I would hate to meet the weakest. I can portray being a strong person when inside I am a giant marshmallow.
I guess some times when you have to be strong in order to survive, then you become a stronger person. I did not have the greatest childhood. It was filled with pain and anxiety. Only after I became an adult did I learn how to deal with it. I am still dealing with it daily I might add. The Huxtables, we were not.
I had to put myself through college. I went to school full time, non-stop and worked full time. I did not get to do many of the fun college student stuff. Did I miss out? I don't know I guess I did, but I became a stronger person because I did it on my own. I am proud of that.
I have worked very hard at my job. I am loyal to my friends. I give of myself to lots of people and things. The person who suffered in all of this was me. To say that I let myself go, is a huge understatement. Since I perceived myself as a weak person, I never challenged myself and I gained at one time, I am NOT proud to say this, 200 pounds. That's right. I said it out loud. The most I have ever weighed that I know about is 350 pounds. I was not a strong person, I was weak, weak, weak.
I keep on my phone as my wallpaper a picture of me at my heaviest. I keep it there as a reminder of who I used to be and who I am becoming. I hid myself from the world for a long time. If you really know me, you know that I can be very social, funny and talk your ear off. I am also an introvert and would rather die than be in front of people. I used that excuse to stay weak and not let myself out.
I reached a point where I got tired of hiding and being weak. I wanted to come out and let the world see the woman that I was on the inside. OMG look out world is all I can say.
I discovered this weekend how strong I am becoming. TFN invited me to come to Camp Gladiator, which is a fitness boot camp. Did I ever think that I would do that? NO! Did I do it! Oh Yeah I did. Did I do it perfectly? No. Did I do it as well as the skinny bitches there? No. Did I do it and not give up? HELL YEAH!!!! I did not know that I had that in me. I even fell down in front of strangers and I got up and kept going. I have the bruise to prove it too. I am sore today and contemplated making a voodoo doll with TFN's face on it, but I didn't. You know what I did? I went running today sore muscles and all. If you had asked me six months ago if I was strong enough to do that, I would have laughed in your face and been rolling on the floor. I am getting stronger everyday.
To paraphrase David Guetta and his song, "Titanium" You can criticize and the bullets bounce off. You can knock me down, but I will get up and keep going. Keep firing at me and I will keep going. I am a strong woman and I am not ashamed to show it.
Peace out peeps, I have some fat to make cry and want to leave my body. Adam Levine, I am coming for you buddy.
I was talking to a friend of mine not to long ago. I was telling her about some things that I had been through in my life. She told me she had no idea because I am one of the strongest people she knows. Well if I am one of the strongest, I would hate to meet the weakest. I can portray being a strong person when inside I am a giant marshmallow.
I guess some times when you have to be strong in order to survive, then you become a stronger person. I did not have the greatest childhood. It was filled with pain and anxiety. Only after I became an adult did I learn how to deal with it. I am still dealing with it daily I might add. The Huxtables, we were not.
I had to put myself through college. I went to school full time, non-stop and worked full time. I did not get to do many of the fun college student stuff. Did I miss out? I don't know I guess I did, but I became a stronger person because I did it on my own. I am proud of that.
I have worked very hard at my job. I am loyal to my friends. I give of myself to lots of people and things. The person who suffered in all of this was me. To say that I let myself go, is a huge understatement. Since I perceived myself as a weak person, I never challenged myself and I gained at one time, I am NOT proud to say this, 200 pounds. That's right. I said it out loud. The most I have ever weighed that I know about is 350 pounds. I was not a strong person, I was weak, weak, weak.
I keep on my phone as my wallpaper a picture of me at my heaviest. I keep it there as a reminder of who I used to be and who I am becoming. I hid myself from the world for a long time. If you really know me, you know that I can be very social, funny and talk your ear off. I am also an introvert and would rather die than be in front of people. I used that excuse to stay weak and not let myself out.
I reached a point where I got tired of hiding and being weak. I wanted to come out and let the world see the woman that I was on the inside. OMG look out world is all I can say.
I discovered this weekend how strong I am becoming. TFN invited me to come to Camp Gladiator, which is a fitness boot camp. Did I ever think that I would do that? NO! Did I do it! Oh Yeah I did. Did I do it perfectly? No. Did I do it as well as the skinny bitches there? No. Did I do it and not give up? HELL YEAH!!!! I did not know that I had that in me. I even fell down in front of strangers and I got up and kept going. I have the bruise to prove it too. I am sore today and contemplated making a voodoo doll with TFN's face on it, but I didn't. You know what I did? I went running today sore muscles and all. If you had asked me six months ago if I was strong enough to do that, I would have laughed in your face and been rolling on the floor. I am getting stronger everyday.
To paraphrase David Guetta and his song, "Titanium" You can criticize and the bullets bounce off. You can knock me down, but I will get up and keep going. Keep firing at me and I will keep going. I am a strong woman and I am not ashamed to show it.
Peace out peeps, I have some fat to make cry and want to leave my body. Adam Levine, I am coming for you buddy.
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