Well what do you know....

So in the past couple of weeks great things have been happening.  I have made several gains in this time period.  Namely I have done two 5k's since spring break.  I know right?!  Hard to believe for me too.

Here is the really crazy part, I did not want to do either one of them.  As you know, I have been doing Camp Gladiator, CG, since November.  While it is hard work and I am physically tired after it is over, I love every minute of it.  During Spring Break, my trainer told us that we would be doing something a bit different for one camp, a 5K.  I did not have to go.  I did not really want to go.  Something inside me told me to try it.  What was the worst that could happen?  1. Not finish  2. Die.  So as nervous and as sick to my stomach as I had been all day, I went.

My friends were there to run with me and cheer me on.  I could not have done it without them.  Now let me just say that I AM SLOW!   I know I am slow when I run.  I will get faster, but right now I am slow.  I knew I would not be able to keep up.  I was fine with that.  As long as I knew the trail to go on and my phone playing tunes, I as good to go.  Right off the bat, I fell behind.  Not only did we have to run, we also had to do exercises between the runs.  While others were doing their exercises, that's when I caught up.

I just kept right on trucking. I walked some, I ran some, I just kept moving.  That is what is important, just keep moving.  Then things started to happen.  My calves which had been killing me, started to loosen up.  My trainer actually slowed down and started to run/walk with me.  She did not have too, but she did. She made sure I kept going.

It was not easy, when I was not even half way finished, there were others in our group coming back for the home stretch.  I got some strange looks from people who were walking dogs or walking themselves.  It was like they had never seen a fat woman jog before.  Did I want to quit? Yes!  Was I out of breath? Yes!  Did I stop? Not on your life.

When I was close to the end, I was tired and worn out.  All I wanted to do was finish.  My legs hurt, my arms hurt, and I could not breathe.  I kept on going though.  My friends were close to the end themselves.  They slowed down to run me back to the end.  One friend even though she had finished came back to help me run the last little bit.  See we have kind of a motto, "We have all been there and nobody gets left behind." How great is that for an exercise group.  I know that right now I am not the fastest or the strongest.  I cannot run for miles like some of my fellow campers, but I will get there.  When I do get there, I am going to make sure that I never leave anyone behind and encourage those who are struggling.

I have two more 5k's to do this year.  Maybe I will do more before the year is over.  You never know with me.  Who would ever have imagined that I would be doing this.

Peace out Peeps and keep on going and going and going....

Failure in not an option!

Today has really and truly stunk.  I have been working my behind off.  I have been working out, drinking more water, watching what I eat, and I have only lost 1.2 pounds.  I did lose 4 inches from my waist, so that is good.  The thing is, it makes me feel like a failure.  I have actually cried several times today.  It makes me feel like I am letting people down.

I have failed many times before, so it is nothing new.  I have dieted and failed.  I have exercised and failed.  I have done both and failed.  I have failed myself as well.  I have let myself down more times than I can imagine. I hate the feeling of being a failure.  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!  I have been successful in many aspects of my life, but weight has been my constant albatross.

I will be trying harder.  I will be doing better.  I will not let others down. I will not let myself down this time. I will succeed and bring my sexy back.  Please help me to not become discouraged too badly.  I am easily discouraged, but I have many, many people in my corner, cheering me on.  I even have friends who said if I died during the run yesterday, they would cremate me and put my ashes on Adam Levine.  That is support right there.  I also had people who slowed their pace and ran/walked with me.  Thanks for that.  I would have quit long ago if not for you.

I promise to not let this set back, set me back.  I will keep on going and pushing and working hard.  Thanks for cheering me on.

Peace out peeps. I have sore legs to massage from my running yesterday.

It's Spring Break, now what ......

Okay so today starts my Spring Break.  The kids have asked me what I was doing for this time off.  As much as I would love to tell them that I am jetting off to some exotic place, the truth is I am staying close to home.  I need time to recharge myself.  I am going to do things that I think are fun and relaxing.  This has been a stressful week. While I love my job and my students, we need a break from each other. Why you ask?  Benchmark testing.  If you don't know what that is like, let me paint a picture. Imagine being on a three day car trip with your family.  You are in the car all day together. Nobody can talk, no phones, no tv, no computers etc....  Even when your family stops for lunch breaks, no talking. Your only options are to read a book or sleep.  That is it!!!  Sounds like a lot of fun doesn't it.  That is why we need a break from each other.

I love spring.  I always have.  One thing I am hoping for is that this will be my last "fat" spring.  I am not expecting to be super model thin, I just want to look better and not as lumpy in my cool spring clothes.  I love the colors of spring, but I find myself not wanting to wear the bright colors.  I don't want to wear them because that would mean drawing attention to myself.  As much as I love people, I don't want the attention on me.  I have a big problem with self-esteem.  It stems from growing up being told you are not now nor will you ever be good enough.  So if I cannot be good enough, then I just need to hang back in the shadows and not cause waves.  If you are a reader of this blog, you know my struggles and how I have gotten better, but it still lingers a bit.

So this spring I am going to take care of me.  I am going to celebrate every tiny success that I have in the next six weeks.  I am going to read, relax and refresh.  I am going to come back renewed and with a better attitude towards myself and my journey.

Part of being renewed and refreshed is going to some work outs.  I always feel better after I have done a work out.  It is a great way to release stress.

Peace out Peeps!  I have to get my refreshing, relaxing, renewing awesome on.