Sometimes I wonder

Get ready to swim Peeps, this might get deep.

Most of the time, I am happy being single with no children.  Sometimes though......  Sometimes I wonder what it is about me that makes me so repellant to the opposite sex.  What is it about me that makes no man want to have a conversation with me.  Just a good conversation and some laughs it that too much to ask?

See when I was growing up, I was never taught to value myself.  I was always supposed to find value in how I was related to other people, never for my own accomplishments.  I was always "so and so's daughter, granddaughter, niece, etc...."  I was never allowed to be just me.  Maybe that is what is wrong with me today, I am not sure.

I stayed in a bad relationship for too long because I was afraid of hitting my late 30's and 40's and being alone.  I also liked the idea of having a person just because.  It ultimately was not fair to him or me to be in a relationship when I had stopped caring a long time before the end.  For that I am sorry.

Now as I look back at my life, I would have liked to have had a child or two.  I think I probably would have been a good and caring mom.  I will not have that chance now.  My eggs have probably dried up and floated away.

I would like to have a companion though.  Someone to talk too, laugh with, go on hikes or even runs with.  Someone who if I read something in a book, I can tell them all about it.  Someone who I can share my crazy student stories with.  I really don't think that is too much to ask.

People tell me all the time that the right one will show up, well what if he shows up after I am dead?  I guess since I am working out and eating right, I should live long enough to have a supercharged scooter and I can chase the young dudes down the street when I am old. LOL

I guess what I am saying is, it would be nice if even for a little while, I had someone to share my life with.

Peace out Peeps I have a scooter to research.