First Peeps, I just want to thank all of you who read my ramblings. Do you like it? Are you learning things? Let me know.
One of my favorite songs is "Mountain of God" by Third Day. It really speaks to me. I have been through many valleys and stood on some really high peaks. Thank you to my friends and family who stood with me on the peaks and who dragged my fat behind out of the valley.
I sometimes get in my own way. Does this ever happen to you? Come on, be honest! Now I am really trying to turn over a new leaf and be a more positive person and less sarcastic (gasping for air here). With that said, "Old habits die hard." I still catch myself having "Stinkin' Thinkin'" and being very hard and biting. If I hurt you with my words I am truly sorry and I apologize wholeheartedly. I am really working on it.
If you have known me for any length of time, you know that I don't suffer fools lightly. Then I look at myself and I have been a fool too many times to count. I have made stupid choices and decisions. I hate being the butt of my own joke. I am also working on that.
Self sabotage? Yes please. I am sooooooo guilty of this. When things start going really well, I will do anything I can to make sure it screws up. This way I am never disappointed when it all goes to crap. I am happy to say that with TFN experience, I have not done that. I am determined to not sabotage myself. I cannot tell you how many opportunities and friendships I have ruined because I sabotaged myself. If you see me doing this, PLEASE STOP ME! I promise to behave. ;)
I am a very impatient person. That is not to say that I am in a constant snit, not at all. I can be very patient with my friends, family and students. Get off the floor, I really can. It is just when I reach my point, I have reached my point and then I AM DONE! I am working on this as well. Just and F.Y.I. I am MUCH better than I used to be. One thing the TFN experience has taught me is that I have to be patient. As much as I want all this weight off like tomorrow, I have to work and wait. I did not put on all this weight at one time, it will not all come off at one time. With that said, it still sucks sometimes and yes I feel like a failure at times.
Failure is the thing that frightens me the most. I am afraid of failing my family. I am afraid of failing my friends. I am afraid of failing my students. I am afraid of failing TFN. I am afraid of failing for myself. I am not in a deep and dark valley anymore. I am working my way up Mt. Everest. I just have to get out of my own way and keep climbing.
Please Peeps, if you see me going backward, let me know. I promise I am working on being a better all around person. I just need help. There I have admitted it. I NEED HELP!
I will never sing as lovely or as powerful as Mac Powell, but I am sure to God I sound heavenly. So I am determined to keep climbing and get out of the deep, dark valley that was my life.
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
So Peace out Peeps. I have some climbing to do.
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