Did you know that the alloy titanium is lightweight, strong and resistant to rust? I didn't. I would be great to be lightweight, strong and unable to rust. Oh what a dream.
I was talking to a friend of mine not to long ago. I was telling her about some things that I had been through in my life. She told me she had no idea because I am one of the strongest people she knows. Well if I am one of the strongest, I would hate to meet the weakest. I can portray being a strong person when inside I am a giant marshmallow.
I guess some times when you have to be strong in order to survive, then you become a stronger person. I did not have the greatest childhood. It was filled with pain and anxiety. Only after I became an adult did I learn how to deal with it. I am still dealing with it daily I might add. The Huxtables, we were not.
I had to put myself through college. I went to school full time, non-stop and worked full time. I did not get to do many of the fun college student stuff. Did I miss out? I don't know I guess I did, but I became a stronger person because I did it on my own. I am proud of that.
I have worked very hard at my job. I am loyal to my friends. I give of myself to lots of people and things. The person who suffered in all of this was me. To say that I let myself go, is a huge understatement. Since I perceived myself as a weak person, I never challenged myself and I gained at one time, I am NOT proud to say this, 200 pounds. That's right. I said it out loud. The most I have ever weighed that I know about is 350 pounds. I was not a strong person, I was weak, weak, weak.
I keep on my phone as my wallpaper a picture of me at my heaviest. I keep it there as a reminder of who I used to be and who I am becoming. I hid myself from the world for a long time. If you really know me, you know that I can be very social, funny and talk your ear off. I am also an introvert and would rather die than be in front of people. I used that excuse to stay weak and not let myself out.
I reached a point where I got tired of hiding and being weak. I wanted to come out and let the world see the woman that I was on the inside. OMG look out world is all I can say.
I discovered this weekend how strong I am becoming. TFN invited me to come to Camp Gladiator, which is a fitness boot camp. Did I ever think that I would do that? NO! Did I do it! Oh Yeah I did. Did I do it perfectly? No. Did I do it as well as the skinny bitches there? No. Did I do it and not give up? HELL YEAH!!!! I did not know that I had that in me. I even fell down in front of strangers and I got up and kept going. I have the bruise to prove it too. I am sore today and contemplated making a voodoo doll with TFN's face on it, but I didn't. You know what I did? I went running today sore muscles and all. If you had asked me six months ago if I was strong enough to do that, I would have laughed in your face and been rolling on the floor. I am getting stronger everyday.
To paraphrase David Guetta and his song, "Titanium" You can criticize and the bullets bounce off. You can knock me down, but I will get up and keep going. Keep firing at me and I will keep going. I am a strong woman and I am not ashamed to show it.
Peace out peeps, I have some fat to make cry and want to leave my body. Adam Levine, I am coming for you buddy.
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